I’ve recently found myself staring at my phone more than I’d like to admit.
Checking views.
Checking likes.
Checking follows.
Refresh.
Repeat.
Not because I wanted attention.
Because I wanted proof.
Proof that what I was saying mattered.
Proof that I was helping.
Proof that I was growing.
And somewhere along the way…
I stopped sharing with purpose and started performing to get a specific result.
The irony?
It’s the exact thing I suggest athletes don’t do.
As a mental performance coach, I spend a lot of time helping athletes untangle themselves from results:
👉 Statistics
👉 Playing time
👉 Rankings
👉 Recruiting attention
👉 Social media perception
👉 What everyone else thinks
But recently, I caught myself getting tangled in my own version of it.
The algorithm became my scoreboard.
And the more I paid attention to it, the tighter I became.
I started second-guessing myself.
Should I say this?
Should I post that?
What if I get negative comments?
Worse still…
What if no one pays attention at all?
That’s the thing about pressure.
It slowly pulls us away from ourselves.
Not because we’re weak.
Because humans naturally adapt when they feel watched, evaluated, or judged.
Honestly?
That’s why it’s so difficult for young athletes to “be themselves when everyone is watching.”
And truthfully…
It’s difficult for adults, too.
I see young athletes doing this all the time.
A basketball player stops making aggressive plays because they’re afraid to make mistakes.
A baseball player changes his approach because he thinks scouts only care about power.
A volleyball player becomes quiet because she’s afraid of looking emotional.
Little by little…
They stop competing freely.
And start managing perception instead.
Not because they don’t care.
Because they care deeply.
That’s why awareness matters so much.
Because most people don’t realize it’s happening until they no longer feel like themselves.
For me, awareness looked like asking a simple question:
“Why did I start doing this in the first place?”
The answer had nothing to do with getting attention.
I do this work because I genuinely care about helping young athletes developing the tools to navigate sport and life.
That’s still the mission.
The numbers just got louder than the purpose for a bit.
And honestly?
I think a lot of young athletes experience the same thing.
The pressure to perform.
The pressure to impress.
The pressure to meet others’ expectations.
That pressure gets heavy.
Especially when acceptance starts feeling tied to performance.
That’s why I believe one of the most important things a young athlete can have is someone who helps them reconnect with who they actually are.
Someone who helps them slow down.
Breathe.
Reflect.
Compete freely again.
Not someone who adds more pressure.
Someone who helps remove it.
Because confidence usually doesn’t grow from trying to become someone else.
It grows from learning to trust who you already are…
Even when everyone is watching.
It’s not easy.
But it’s possible with the right tools and support.
Here are 3 small ways to help your athlete reconnect with themselves under pressure:
1️⃣ Ask identity-based questions instead of performance-based ones.
Instead of:
“How did you play?”
Try:
“Did you feel like yourself out there today?”
“What helped you compete freely?”
“What pulled you away from yourself?”
Awareness is often the first step.
2️⃣ Help the athlete focus on how they want to show up.
When athletes become consumed by outcomes, they often lose connection to the process.
Refocus them on controllable, character-based behaviors like:
👉 Effort
👉 Communication
👉 Aggression
👉 Body language
👉 Decision-making
👉 Competing one play at a time
Confidence grows faster when athletes build evidence through action rather than chasing external validation.
3️⃣ Be a place where they don’t have to perform.
Young athletes spend a lot of time feeling evaluated.
Sometimes the most powerful thing a parent can do is create an environment where their athlete feels accepted, regardless of results.
Not every conversation has to fix something.
Sometimes they just need space to breathe, reflect, and feel understood.
The irony?
This is where the best performances tend to live.
***
P.S. If your athlete has been stuck in their head lately, mental performance coaching can help them learn how to slow down, manage pressure, and trust themselves again.
👉 If you'd like to learn more about working together, you can schedule a free introductory call now.
